About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
