so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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