as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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