I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
