I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
