Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
