i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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