so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
