I think I am morally bankrupt
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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