idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize