Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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