Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
