it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
As shirtless as possible
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
