11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
