At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
