fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
