I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Too much gin, very little bucket
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
