I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
