He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
