I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
