I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize