there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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