i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
