Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
