I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize