I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
