her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
