My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
