So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
