It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
