The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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