Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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