Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
