PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
