Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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