i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just high enough for therapy.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize