I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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