We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
