he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
