I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
