I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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