the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
