So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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