I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
