You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
