i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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