Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
