Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
