people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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