my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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