what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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