and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
