just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
