Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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