If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just high enough for therapy.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
