my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
