I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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