if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm drive I can fine osifer
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
