Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
