I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sext me about skeletons
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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