If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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