I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
