this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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