Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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