i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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