I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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