I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
