Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
