I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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