I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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