I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
