just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
