I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
