Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
