I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
