She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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