If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
