Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
