The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
