she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
