whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
