I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
