I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
