Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
