hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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