yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
