So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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